


Until You Forget Everything

by starlalalala



Series: no dawn [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Mind Control, Possession, Sky Factory AU, Still Working On That Happy Ending, minecraft au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 22:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13109355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlalalala/pseuds/starlalalala
Summary: The Dark God likes to visit Gavin’s friends. Gavin is starting to lose his grip.





	Until You Forget Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to oh sleep, oh rest and will make much more sense if you read that first, but I think it's not entirely necessary? Title from Vessel, by Zola Jesus.
> 
> I'm not sure if 'dubiously consensual cuddling' is a warning, but it may apply here. The Dark God has his own ideas about personal space.

When they visit Geoff, they somehow always end up on the bed.

The room is lovely, beautifully woven tapestries on every wall, almost enough to let one ignore the complete lack of windows. A few stray feathers had made their way inside from the small chicken coop the Dark God had created in the courtyard. Bookshelves bracket the tapestries, texts of fantasy, adventure, and a few on farming. Most were unopened.

The Dark God seems to have absorbed Gavin’s love of touch. He lies on top of Geoff, head resting on his chest, eyes wide open and grin etched onto his face. Gavin doesn’t truly understand what he’s getting out of it –the Dark God’s thoughts and emotions are still largely unknowable, despite him now living within Gavin.

Whatever the reason, Gavin is grateful. It reminds Gavin of a time before, a time now fuzzy around the edges, and the Dark God allows him to  _feel_  for a while -the softness of the blankets, the crispness of Geoff’s shirt, and the body heat that radiates from him. Lets the sensations wash over him and keep him warm and content, lets himself forget about his situation for a while. Gavin’s gotten so used to being disconnected from his own body that he wraps himself up in the feeling, allows his consciousness to be consumed by it.

The moment is broken when the Dark God looks to Geoff’s face. 

There are bags under Geoff’s eyes, deep and bruised-looking. His face is covered in tear streaks. Even now, he looks back at the Dark God with bloodshot, watery eyes, one hand resting in Gavin’s hair. He looks older than Gavin has ever seen him.

 _Geoff_ , Gavin tries, wants to say, but he can’t speak. He can’t offer any sort of comfort, can’t reassure or soothe or joke.

The Dark God sends a wave of calm over Gavin, and his worry for Geoff is gone. The Dark God will take care of it. Gavin can just enjoy the feeling of being held. He thinks the grip in his hair would hurt, normally, but nothing hurts him now. The Dark God never allows him to feel pain.

“This means something,” Geoff says. His voice is cracked, the words sounding forced and painful, but Geoff keeps on. “You being here. I know you’re there, Gav, alright? And I’m not... I’m not giving up on you, buddy.” The tears fall now, and the Dark God wipes them away, his everlasting smile showing a few teeth as he laughs.

“I mean it. We’re gonna help you, okay? We’re getting you back. I promise,” Geoff says and he means it, Gavin knows, and Geoff’s face is a little twisted, fury bleeding into his expression. The hand in Gavin’s hair is shaking. Gavin basks in the words, even if he doesn’t quite understand why Geoff is so upset because-

“Gavin’s right here, Geoffrey,” the Dark God says. “We’re here together.”

The Dark God settles back down, head resting above Geoff’s heart.

Geoff’s hand drops from his hair. Gavin thinks he can feel sobs through the chest beneath him, but the Dark God cuts him off from his senses and then he doesn’t think anything at all.

 

Jack is one of the few who will meet them outside of his room. He’s tending to the small garden in the courtyard. Though there is no longer any sunlight, the Dark God had altered some plants to grow in the darkness. It’s enough to keep the five of them fed, and it gives Jack something to work on now that the rest of his projects are all destroyed or inaccessible.

The courtyard is empty but for the two of them. The Dark God idly nudges Gavin’s attention towards the open door of Michael’s rooms and he can see movement there, knows they are being watched. Gavin wants to wave, or maybe the Dark God does, because Gavin’s hand raises without any say from him. The door closes.

Gavin’s hand drops back into his lap. They’re sitting on the waist-high wall that separates the garden from the rest of the courtyard. With Jack kneeling in the dirt, it might as well be a throne.

Jack doesn’t look at him, just keeps pulling weeds, checking the plants for damage from bugs. There’s none, because there are no bugs. No living creature the Dark God hasn’t allowed to remain. Gavin remembers being excited about finding a worm once, but the memory is swept aside by the Dark God and Gavin loses his train of thought. Gavin is too used to it to be frustrated, and focuses his attention instead on the flowering runner beans.

He isn’t sure how long he stares at the drab red petals, but the Dark God turns his attention towards Jack. He is still kneeling, facing them, looking for all the world like a subject petitioning his king. Gavin’s vision blurs and he sees himself in a similar position, in a stone room with blood on the walls.

“Can I… Can I ask you a few questions?” Jack asks, not quite meeting their eyes. Gavin wishes he would. The Dark God gestures for him to continue. “What do you want?”

“What is owed to me,” the Dark God answers.

Jack hesitates. “What do you want from us?’

The Dark God jumps from his perch. Gavin’s world flips, not expecting the motion, and when he is able to refocus the Dark God holds Jack’s chin in his hands. Their eyes meet and Gavin isn’t used to seeing Jack afraid, doesn’t like it, but the Dark God pushes his attention away and instead Gavin is lost in thoughts of how pretty the colour of his eyes are, how nice the scratchy feel of his beard is against their fingers. He hears a door open, somewhere.

“Your obedience,” the Dark God says, not unkindly. He strokes their thumb over Jack’s cheek.

Jack looks away for a moment, closes his eyes and breathes. When the Dark God pulls away, he speaks.

“Is Gavin there? Is he alright?” Jack asks, and Gavin is so happy with the attention he misses the waver in Jack’s voice, the way he bites his lip to keep it from trembling. The Dark God’s consciousness draws around him and Gavin is happy to share the joy he feels –lets the Dark God take and take until he’s back to a sleepy contentedness.

Gavin didn’t hear the Dark God answer, but he must’ve, because Jack speaks again. “Can I talk to him?”

 _Talk?_ Gavin wonders, before the Dark God’s grip on him tightens and he is pushed into sleep.

 

Michael is yelling. Gavin doesn’t really follow along with all the words he’s saying. He knows it’s something about Jack, something he did to Jack? Gavin can’t remember. The Dark God directs his attention instead to the how the light reflects in Michael’s curls, and Gavin doesn’t have the energy to question it, wouldn’t want to, because the redstone light makes Michael’s hair look properly red and it _shines_. It’s the most beautiful thing Gavin’s seen in a while.

The world rolls and they are on the ground. Michael’s on top of them, still yelling, and Gavin feels the warmth from his fingers where he’s grabbed the front of their shirt. It’s nice, even if he thinks Michael might be angry. He can remember fighting with Michael, before, when Gavin and the Dark God were… something different. The memories are hazy, like they’re from another life. Gavin’s glad. He doesn’t want to think about hurting Michael.

There’s something wet on their face. It takes a while for Gavin to connect the sensation to the tears streaming down Michael’s cheeks. Michael wipes at them, but maybe he’s feeling tired, because he can’t seem to hold himself up with one hand. He collapses against their chest, shaking. Gavin can feel the damp through their shirt.

Shaking… Michael is upset, is crying. Gavin isn’t sure what to do but the Dark God knows, wraps their arms around Michael and for a moment Michael cries even harder, his sobs rocking all three of them, before he quiets down. The hug is warm, and Gavin wants to disappear into it, but he’s _worried._ About Michael. Gavin hasn’t felt worried in a while now, and he needs to figure out the feeling before it’s gone.

The Dark God is still smiling.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Gav,” Michael says. His voice is muffled, his face hidden. All Gavin can see are his curls, still reflecting the redstone light. “You fucking… Did you think things would be better like this? With you like…”

Michael trails off and he does look up at them, now, eyes bloodshot and face blotchy and in pain, and Gavin–

“Come back,” Michael pleads, begs, his hold on Gavin’s shirt beginning to stretch the fabric. “Please, boi. I miss you.”

 _Michael,_ Gavin thinks, and he still doesn’t understand everything, but Michael is hurting, and Gavin needs to do something, needs to help him, but he _can’t move_ –

Gavin feels the Dark God press up against his consciousness. He is warm, _Michael_ is warm, and he relishes the feeling, loves holding Michael against him and when he looks up Michael’s face is a little out of focus, but that’s okay because Michael’s curls look as soft as candlelight in the redstone torches.

The Dark God sits up, easily pushing Michael’s weight with him. Michael sags against them, a comforting weight that helps soothe Gavin further down into his mind, until all he is aware of is the feeling of Michael in their arms as the Dark God lifts him. Michael lets himself be placed on the bed, lets the Dark God’s hand run through his hair. Gavin wishes they could stay longer, but Michael must’ve been tired if they’d ended up on the floor. He should get some rest.

 

Jeremy is solid presence, something Gavin can focus on when he feels like he’s drifting away. And he’s been feeling like that a _lot_ lately. He knows he sleeps a lot, that he’s been missing more and more time, and he doesn’t like missing out on talking to his friends. Jeremy helps.

Today, though, Jeremy seems a little off. They’re sitting in the courtyard under the redwood. Jeremy is leaning against the Dark God’s shoulder, silent and unmoving. It would be disturbing, but Gavin knows the Dark God would never let anything harm the others, so Jeremy is fine, just acting strangely. Something is soaking into the fabric of the Dark God’s shirt, and Gavin has come to recognise the sensation of tears. It’s uncomfortably cold and damp, a blight in the time they have together, and so the Dark God removes it from his senses and lets Gavin focus on the comforting weight of Jeremy pressed against him.

Jeremy isn’t as warm as the others, thanks to his dabbling in blood magic. He’s only just starting to recover from its effects on his body now. That must be why the Dark God destroyed his altar. To keep him safe.

Jeremy isn’t quite so silent anymore, little hitching breaths coming out every now and again. Gavin thinks he used to know what crying meant, but now he isn’t so sure. His friends do it all the time though, so it must be normal.

The Dark God never cries. The Dark God is always smiling.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy says, his voice a little wobbly. Gavin doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but it’s nice to listen. “I’m so sorry, Gav, I… I knew you were planning something, after Ryan and, and, and I should’ve done something!” Jeremy moves, practically straddling the Dark God now, looking into his eyes. His voice has gotten much louder, it looks like he’s _yelling_ , but Gavin’s hearing is muffled, his consciousness stuffed with cotton. Gavin doesn’t worry about it. He doesn’t do much of anything, really.

Gavin thinks he should feel something, thinks he should understand what Jeremy’s talking about, what Jeremy’s feeling. But he’s numb, like he always is, like he always has been. That’s why the Dark God pulls Jeremy forward, lets Jeremy hide in face in the Dark God’s shoulder. The Dark God knows what to do. The Dark God understands.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy mumbles. Gavin can feel his lips moving through the fabric. “I’m sorry. I should’ve… I could’ve…”

The Dark God cards his fingers through Jeremy’s hair, hushes him, rocks him like a child. Jack watches them from his garden. Gavin can’t make out his expression from here. The Dark God hasn’t spoken to Jack for some time –or at least, not that Gavin can remember.

“Why did you do it, Gav?” Do what? Gavin can’t remember doing anything. How can he do anything, when he just lives within the Dark God? “This isn’t… We could’ve found another way, _this doesn’t fix anything_. You could’ve… we could’ve… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

 _Sorry, sorry, sorry._ It continues until the word loses all meaning, until Gavin drifts off to the sound of Jeremy’s voice, and the Dark God has had enough.

 

Ryan used to talk about a deal, about the Dark God leaving this body, about the Dark God returning. Gavin isn’t sure what he means –why would the Dark God leave his own body? Would Gavin leave with him? He hopes so. Gavin doesn’t know what he’d do in this body without the Dark God.

The topic confused and scared Gavin, but the Dark God had told him not to worry, that the Dark God wouldn’t leave. Still, Gavin was glad when Ryan dropped it. He wishes Ryan had just found something else to talk about, though, instead of reading all the time.

“He wants you to read out loud,” the Dark God tells Ryan from his perch on the table. Gavin didn’t even think of that, but it’s a good idea. Ryan doesn’t talk much nowadays, and he rarely wants the Dark God get near him. The others keep their distance, too. He guesses Ryan just doesn’t like hugs as much as the others.

“It’s just an old technical manual,” Ryan says. He doesn’t look at the Dark God.

“I think he just likes to hear your voice,” the Dark God replies, and _yes,_ Gavin thinks, _I do._ Something light bubbles in his chest, the Dark God knows him so well, better than he knows himself. It’s easy to miss the way Ryan’s grip on the book cover tightens, the way he has to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment before he starts to read.

Gavin doesn’t understand a word that’s being said, but that’s not really unusual these days. He’s just happy Ryan is talking again.

Eventually the Dark God hops off the table, and flops onto the bed –not touching Ryan, but the mattress dips with his weight and Ryan stiffens, his even tone breaking for a moment before it continues.

When the chapter is finished, Ryan drops the book on his chest and throws an arm over his eyes. The Dark God inches closer until their shoulders touch.

“Is he even still there?” Ryan asks. His voice is quiet and Gavin isn’t sure he even meant to speak aloud.

“What do you mean, lovely Ryan?” the Dark God asks, which is silly, because the Dark God _must_ know what Ryan means. The Dark God knows everything.

“I read the myths, you bastard.” Gavin notices the bed shifting before he realises Ryan is even gone. The book hits the floor with a loud _thump_ , and Ryan is standing at the foot of the bed and shaking in–

 _Rage,_ something in him says, but that voice is soon gone, and Gavin’s left lost, confused. Is Ryan cold?

“You were _in my head_ ,” Ryan continues between clenched teeth, the Dark God regarding him from the bed with his ever-present smile. He didn’t seem concerned, so Gavin wasn’t, either. “I know what you do. And Gavin can’t fight back, so he… he…”

“He’ll disappear sooner,” the Dark God finishes, and Ryan’s face crumples in a split second, the change so sudden Gavin is left reeling. “You’re right, lovely Ryan. He’s still here. He can hear you, right now. But I don’t think he’ll last much longer.” The Dark God shrugs. “Pity.”

They are talking about him, Gavin knows. Talking about him… leaving.

Dying?

“Please,” Ryan says, and Gavin can’t remember ever hearing his voice so unsteady, but he can’t remember much. “Just… Just let him go. You can do whatever you want to me, or this world, just…” Ryan falters. Sobs. “You can’t just let him disappear.”

The last part is spoken so softly, Gavin almost misses it.

“He doesn’t have the strength to stay,” the Dark God replies. Gavin can feel his smile, feel it stretching the Dark God’s cheeks, is certain it should be painful. It isn’t. Nothing is. “When he goes, I’ll let you know.”

Gavin thinks he should be afraid.

He isn’t.


End file.
